This Is How We Can Change The MBTI For The Better

Let's redefine introversion and extroversion in a way that promotes a more dynamic, holistic, integrated sense of self, allows for more harmonious relationships & personal growth.

The 16 personalities, as understood online, are presented as caricatures of the complex, changing reality of human nature. But can the system be redeemed? In this article, I want to talk about how you can use the MBTI 16 personalities:

• In a way that facilitates personal growth rather than locking you in a set, predictable category

• In a way that allows you to connect more broadly with people rather than discriminating against specific types

• In a way that opens up conversation and self-reflection rather than shutting down the conversation about the complex nuances that make you you.

What is the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator?

The MBTI was invented during the Second World War, loosely inspired by Carl Jung, by a mother and daughter who wanted to help employers find good employees, and would-be employees find good-fit jobs. The idea was that introverted types should hold introverted jobs, and extroverted types should hold extroverted jobs, and so on. The MBTI became a popular tool for recruitment, dating, and organizing people into rough categories. At its best, it can be a way for people to find more passion in work, more romance, stronger friendships, and deeper self-awareness.

At its worst, it can be a way to discriminate or lose potential talent. Your company might hire for cultural fits and miss out on cultural adds. And in dating and friendship, there’s a risk that you miss out on rewarding potential friendship and love, just because it doesn’t fit your limiting expectations or thoughts about what friendship or love should look like. And in your personal life, it may lead you to avoid self-improvement or personal growth, saying, “This is just who I am.”

What can the 16 personalities be, at their very best?

Let’s start with redefining the basic dichotomies that make up the 16 types. First of all, let’s change it from an Identity to a State of mind. Instead of thinking of a category as fixed, it maps a general tendency. And instead of using personality as something that describes what you are meant to be, see it as a question of who you want to be in the future?

What does it mean to have an introverted or extroverted preference?

You’re not an introverted or extroverted person. You can feel introverted or extroverted depending on the time of day or the situation. This can give you clues to your present-day needs. It can help you identify which situations or activities make you the most social and outgoing, and which make you more reserved. Introversion is no longer a box that defines everything that you do, and instead, it’s like a climate.

You live in a generally introverted climate zone, but sometimes, you may experience extroverted weather. You’ve started to notice that you tend to be quiet and reserved at work, while you can be social in your personal hobbies. But why? It can reveal how you feel about your work or performance. The question is: How do you want to be at work? Can you make your work align more with your hobbies, giving you more energy? This gives you agency rather than locking you into a dichotomy.

What does it mean to have an Intuitive or Sensing preference?

You’re not an Intuitive or Sensing type. You may have a deep, complex relationship to your iNtuition. It may be represented by a strong, vivid imagination, many latent ideas, but your iNtuition doesn’t want to stay locked inside. It wants to merge with your more Sensory nature. It wants to be translated into reality.

The only way to achieve that is to learn to put words to your thoughts and to express your ideas out loud. To do something with them. Your feelings about intuition may reveal a block or an insecurity about Sensing. Perhaps you struggle with your relationship to the real world, or doubt your capacity to express or do your ideas justice. Recognizing a high score for intuition can also reveal things about your shadow. Working through that and finding a way to unify these opposites brings integration and personal growth. The unified state of intuition and sensing can be described as the truly Creative state of mind.

What does it mean to have a Thinking or Feeling preference?

You are not a Thinking or Feeling type. Getting stuck in the intellectual realm of trying to explain everything makes you blind to the inexplicable. If you intend to rely only on evidence or logic to understand the world, you fail to understand everything that can’t be measured, like consciousness, qualia, or subjective perception. It can make it hard for you to deal with human relationships, the future, or existential matters. It may cause your feelings to become repressed into your shadow.

You have so much hidden depth in you that you miss it if you only focus your attention on the hard, logical, observable conditions. Jung, in therapy, would focus on your shadow, bringing up contradictions and challenging the walls you have raised, and would try to find ways to confront you with your hidden, feeling side. He wouldn’t tell you to stay in your Thinking preference for the rest of your life and to ignore your deeper feelings.

What does it mean to have a Judging or Perceiving preference?

Finally, you’re not a Judging or Perceiving person. There are levels to this. The busy, working father or mother may appear disorganized simply because of the overwhelming number of tasks on their to-do list. The young, unemployed person may appear organized, but perhaps it’s just because their life has so little to organize, or perhaps because they can afford cleaning services and takeaway food.

Can we take a second to think about the level of stress a person is under and how that affects their behaviour? The intensity with which we live and experience life can change how we appear to the outside world. Your desire for order and structure can also be a result of trauma or of personal growth, and how can you tell what your reason is?

The most important thing is, do order and structure contribute to your well-being and happiness? In what situations does it help you, and when does it limit you to be so Conscientious? You may have good reasons to be more Perceiving - more adaptable - more spontaneous, but are there times when discipline would benefit you?

Changing how we apply the 16 personalities to one another

I think, perhaps most importantly, we need to change how we apply the idea of personality types to our relationships. How?

1. Let each person define and explain their own preferences. Do not try to label or explain other people in a way that they would disagree with.

First of all, doing this will sabotage your relationships with people. Nobody will want to hang out with a friend who judges them or their behaviour. If you think somebody is a Sensing type and they say they’re iNtuitives, don’t tell them they’re wrong; understand that you are speaking only from your relative perception and frame of reference. You are explaining your relationship to the person, not the person, and you can never be objective or impartial in your understanding of who they are. No matter how deeply you study the topic.

2. Don’t say, “You only do this because you’re a Judging control freak.” Ask: “Did you do this because of your desire for order and control?”

A key to human relationships is letting your friends and loved ones have their own sense of agency. See them as agents of free will rather than as deterministic automatons or machines. Even if you don’t believe in free will, it is best to act as if free will is real and that our intentions and choices matter.

3. Negotiate your relationships and who you are with other people

Always be willing to renegotiate if you feel stuck in a bad cycle with a person, or if you and the other person have both started acting in ways that aren’t beneficial to you or the relationship. Never say “This is just who I am” when somebody brings up a struggle or issue in the relationship. Don’t lock down conversations. Be willing to explore and experiment with each other, on what style of behaviour, communication, and lifestyle fits the two of you best.

Find ways to improve and deepen your connections with others. Don’t try to look for a static, fixed relationship, and don’t expect the other person to always conform to a specific role. Your introverted friend doesn’t always have to be the listener. Your intuitive friend is also allowed to settle down in some areas of their life. Your Feeling friend doesn’t have to sit alone with their feelings. Your perceiving friend doesn’t have to be the only crazy person.

The key to all these changes is how it makes us connect and bond more deeply with one another and with ourselves.

Watch my in-depth discussion on the topic!